Gainesville Is Green 


Robert McClure
Alligator Editor
buster o’connor (narc illustration)

“If bongs were outlawed, only outlaws would have bongs.”

— A sign outside of Dan’s Beverages reflected a popular sentiment in Gainesville, opposing a bill proposed in the Florida legislature restricting the sale of what it defined as “drug” paraphernalia.

“Sweet Leaf”
Black Sabbath
1971 — Master of Reality
((( ozzy says )))

dave hogerty

Gainesville’s Other Claim to Fame  

Remember when sports made you think things like baseball, hockey and football? Remember when sports and Gators were mentioned in one breath? Are you that old?

Sure, Hogtown has its sports, but its favorite has got nothing to do with orange and blue. It’s as obvious as a politician, as common as toilet paper.

Grass — not Gators — is Gainesville’s claim to fame. We are members of the cannibus crowd, the marijuana mania, the pot platoon, the reefer rodeo, the doobie division, and the j-brigade.

Gainesville has earned its spot on the map.

Most of us lost our drug virginity somewhere down the road years ago. The trouble with dredging up that memory most have filed it away mentally under antiques. How many remember smoking that very first joint? I was prepared for the possibility of deformed children. Fortunately, and with a bit more of an edge on reality, the most serious side effects suffered were horniness, happiness, and hungriness. I thought possibly I had discovered the true meaning of fucked up. I had.

Admittedly, many of Gainesville’s finest citizens spend some of their time stoned. So, to answer that age old question, “I’m stoned, now what?” Personalized Pot Packages have been designed — a completely packaged imaginative evening for two while under the influence of pot. Whip out your Zig-Zags, scrape the resin off your roach cliop, and choose the PPP of your choice.

The Girlfriend’s Stash. This fun-filled evening begins by smoking some of the stuff your roommate’s girlfriend grew on her windowsill. So bad, he was about to throw it out, but you said you’d give him $15 for it. You get what you pay for, so it was what you’d expect, a 10-minute buzz, and so harsh that your esophagus gives out about midway through the first joint. After the seventh, this PPP offers you an exciting drive to your nearby 7-11 for a six-pack of Budweiser. The rest of the evening is spent in front of your black and white six-inch screen with a terrific headache watching Barney Miller. Total price for the PPP, perfect for the common laborer, is $2.98. 

The Colombian Caper. This PPP is the answer for struggling middle class liberals. The evening begins with a smooth joint or two of Colombian, commercial, but it smells good. Next, a trip to the ABC for a six-pack of Miller, and then on to a movie at the Union. Something foreign and filled with blood. The evening is capped off by a midnite visit to the muchie mecca — Skaggs. For your carbohydrate pleasure and the ultimate sugar rush, Fritos and Entenmann’s are provided. Total price for the Colombian Caper is $9.98.

The Sinsemilla Smash. This delightfully decadent evening begins with smoking soe of the stuff your coke dealer let you have. The type of pot with so much resin that it drips from your chin. After a nice buzz, a thirst quencher of Heineken for the men, and white wine for the women ios provided. Following a steak and salad from the Sea Fox, dancing at Dubs, and white russians at Richenbachers, you lapse into unconsciousness until midway through the following week. A must for Greeks, heavy duty dopers, and the nouveau riche. Total price for the Sinsemilla Smash is $149.98.

NEXT WEEK: Tours of Used Car Lots While Tripping On Acid, and Group Sports for The Quaalude Crowd.

“Reefer Man”
Don Redman & His Orchestra
1931 — “Have you ever met the Reefer Man?”
Steve Z — Creek Five acres near Cross Creek
((( renaissance fair )))

dave hogerty

“Legalize It”
Peter Tosh
Saturday afternoon @ The Bandshell
((( jamaican visitor )))

The lead story, stripped across the top, the first Independent Florida Alligator was about the Florida Marijuana Initiative (FMI) and its effort to have the weed decriminalized in the Sunshine State.

“Sweet Leaf”
Black Sabbath
1971 — Master of Reality
((( ozzy’s view )))