Original Noise ALLIGATOR-1973-WATERGATE-TOYS-FOR-CHRISTMAS-HIAASEN

Date: 01 Aug 2024

By: dave hogerty

Comment: Comments are off

toys for the naughty
As the year 1973 was coming to an end, the fight against the war in Vietnam raged on, and exorcising Richard Nixon became the mission of the cause.

“I Saw the Light”
Todd Rundgren

1972 — Something/Anything?
((( In Your Eye )))

Watergate has been a real challenge to Christmas toymakers. Last year at this time there were Bobby Fischer chess sets. Red China dolls, and campaign strategy games. All they’ve got this year is scandals, and it may be difficult to come up with toys of that nature. Here are some suggestions.

• A whole line of Watergate dolls to be sold at $7.95 apiece:

The John Dean Doll (wind it up. grant it full immunity, and it talks);

The Martha Mitchell Doll (wind it up and it STOPS talking);

The Sam Ervin doll (wind it up, wiggle its eyebrows, and it stutters);

The Ronald Ziegler doll (wind it up and it contradicts it-self);

The John Ehrlichman Doll (wind it up and it offers you a bribe);

The Maurice Stans doll (wind it up and it heads for the nearest Xerox machine);

The Gordon Liddy Doll (wind it up, give it a crowbar, and it heads for the nearest psychiatrist’s office);

The E. Howard Hunt Doll HE E. (wind it up, give it $1 million, and it doesn’t talk at all),

• A whole series of Watergate Games that small children and aspiring politicians can play on a rainy afternoon:

“Inside the Watergate.” Yes, kids, now you too can burglarize the headquarters of the Democratic National Committee, reliving every action-packed moment of June 17, 1972. But watch out for burglar alarms and the security” guard! If you’re caught. go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect Hush Money.

“Regain the Confidence Game.” You are on the White House Staff and the President has asked you to help him regain the people’s confidence. Where did he lose it?

That’s your job to find out…look in Vietnam, China, Moscow, the Mideast. Look in the Washington Redskins training camp. The first one to regain the people’s confidence wins… and is named Attorney General.

“The Senate Watergate Committee Game.” Everyone in America now has the chance to ask those tough questions of high-ranking Administration officials. Seven players take turns as each senator, with special limitations on questioning habits.

For instance, whoever plays Sen. Gurney can sleep, snore or chuckle, but not ordinarily ask questions; whoever plays Sen.

Ervin must ask all his questions without completing a single sentence; whoever plays Sen. Howard Baker must phrase the identical question three different ways before presenting it to a witness.

THE FIRST SENATOR to get a “yes” or “no” answer out of a witness wins, and is assured re-election in his home state.

“The Plea-Bargaining Game.” Each player starts out taking the fifth amendment, asking for full immunity, and making no public statements concerning their guilt or innocence.

If, by throwing the dice, a player lands on the square marked “Agnew,” he wins. But if he lands on the name of Segretti, Hunt, Barker or Sturgis, he faces a jail term and is ruled out of the game for five-to-ten throws of the dice.

If he lands on squares marked Mitchell or Ehrlichman, he may continue to play because the White House has offered him free legal counseling:

Finally, if a player lands on the Robert Vesco jackpot, he net only wins the game, he wins several Caribbean islands and a Venezuelan shrimping fleet, too.

“The Loyal Contributors Game.” The object of this exciting contest is to see which major corporation can give the most money to the Nixon campaign — secretly — without getting caught. Will it be the dairy industry, the major oil companies, McDonald’s, or the airlines?

It doesn’t matter. Even though the losers may be fined by the General Accounting Office, price hikes granted by the Administration make every contributor a winner, no matter who gives the most.

“Money”
1973 — Dark Side of The Moon
((( what the moon brought )))