by Jonathan Susskind
Alligator Staff Writer
january 7, 1982
Nothing to do in Gainesville, you say? Balderdash and poppycock we say What are you, some kind of Tallahassee lover or something? Keep that attitude and you’ll never be invited to one of our parties. We associate only with highly cultured people who have done the swell things there are to do in this fun town. Hey, like “We’re into Gainesville.” Try some of the dlightful activities listed below. Get thrilled. And keep an eye on your mailbox. We’re having a party soon.
1. See cheap, say, free even, movies at the Reitz Union
2. Read every single notice on every bulletin board on campus (yes, even the Crossroads flyers.)
3. Have them play something spacey at the Music Listening Room.
4. Count the steps down to the bottom of the Devil’s Millhopper, northwest of town on 43rd Street.
5. People watch at the Gainesville and Oaks Mall.
6. Pretend you’re dozing on the Plaza of the Americas and people watch instead.
7. Describe to a friend the color of Lake Wauberg.
8. Memorize your Social Securtiy number — backwards.
9. Read Alligator personal ads before you read the front page.
10. Take the weekend morning tours of Morningside Nature Center, 3540 E. University Ave.
11. Skateboard down Medical Center Hill (emergency room at the bottom).
12. Hate FSU.
13. Drink free beer during rush week.
14. View Grinter Gallery, first floor Grinter Hall.
15. Tease Jed Smock without making a sound.
16. Drive through Pablo’s Tunnel, 34125 SW Archer Road. Buy one piece of gum.
17. Hide in the cave at The Florida Museum.
18. Go normal to the Rocky Horror Picture Show (fast approaching its 200th week at the Royal Park Cinema).
19. Win a stuffed dog at Carnigras.
20. Find an Englebert Humperdinck album at The Hub sidewalk book and record sale.
21. Steal an ODK Celebration of the Arts poster and display it in your bathroom.
22. Wear 1920s period clothes to an outing in the Thomas Cultural Center, 306 NE Sixth Ave.
23. Feed ducks at the Union pond.
24. Feed alligators at Lake Alice.
25. Feed ducks from the Union to alligators at Lake Alice.
26. Don’t even consider doing number 25.
27. Walk behind the exhibits at the Spring Arts Festival. (BBQ Jam at Kevin’s)
28. Find a secret parking spot.
29. Dress all in pink. Stand on the corner of University Avenue and 18th Street. Dump brown tempera paint on your head. Tell everyone you see you are a Haagen-Daz boysenberry sherbet hot fudge sundae.
30. Play video games — anywhere. (Invasion of the Quarter Snatchers. Arcade/Old College Inn)
31. Skate on Northeast Boulevard.
32. Dial 372-1411.
33. Ride a city bus on a complete two-and-a-half hour route to the “other side” (culture shock for a quarter).
34. Watch the sun rise or set at Payne’s Prairie. (North Florida natural wonders)
35. Watch Chad Reed at Union auctions.
34. Run the Vita Para-course and do all the exercises.
37. Gape at bodies on the Murphree racquetball courts (but not while you’re driving).
38. Swim in the O’Connell Center pool.
39. Find the horseshoes in the sidewalks downtown. Why are they there?
40. Plan your Halloween Festival costume. (GQ) who?
41. Eat baklava at the Athen’s Greek Coffee Shop (formerly Mac’s Waffle Shop).
42. Drink champagne in a hot tub at The Park, 1905 SW 13th St.
43. Ask to see the dusky seaside sparrow at Santa Fe Zoo.
44. Take in a drag show at the Melody Club, 4130 NW Sixth St. Be polite.
45. Sell your plasma.
46. Use the “blood” money to buy some Micanopy Madness.
47. Shop in Albertson’s at 3 a.m. (no one gets out of Hogtown without doing this at least once).
48. Get your boots dirty at the Gainesville Livestock Market on US441 N.
49. Take a non-credit course at the Union.
50. Pretend you can’t speak English when approached by winos.
51. Guess which tree on campus sprouted from a seed that went to the moon. (space shuttle)
52. Stay out as late as you want.
53. Sign up for the SG computerized car pool service.
54. Get high in the UF Medicinal Plant Garden.
55. Use the free phones in the Union and libraries.
56. Eat the genuine soul food at Mama Lo’s.
57. Write a sarcastic letter to Alexandre da Costa.
58. Ask intelligent questionns at a free Accent speech.
59. Swim in the lime pits southwest of town (but don’t get caught).
60. Play hide and seek in General Purpose Building A.
61. See the porno movies at Gainesville Drive-in.
62. Drink in the movies at the Great Southern Music Hall.
63. Read obscure magazines and journals in Library West, third floor.
64. Read even more obscure books and periodicals in Library West, fifth floor.
65. Locate and visit the UF apiary. (bees)
66. Bowl at the Union.
67. Eat egg rolls in all the Oriental restaurants in town (there are 11).
68. Check the new phone books to make sure your name, address, and number are correct. (Why are there, of all things, coconut palms on the cover?)
69. Make love at midnight under the SG Bandshell or on the 50-yard line of Florida Field.
70. Browse around Goodwill and antique stores.
71. Read the Wallpaper Journal in the dorms.
72. Taste test beer. See if you can stand Schlitz.
73. View the hologram in Williamson Hall, second floor.
74. Trap cockroaches under a jar and leave them on your kitchen counter as examples for their disgusting little friends.
75. Tour the herbarium, 209 Rolfs Hall. Ask to see the cannabis.
76. Call NEXUS, 392-1683, and ask for tape 504.
77. Play “Name that Tune” when the carillon chimes.
78. Tube down the Ichetucknee River, near Fort White.
79. Trade in or sell old books and albums.
80. Get a cheap haircut at Powell’s Beauty Academy, 219 NW 10th Ave.
81. Volunteer to be a tutor.
82. Create fanciful or lewd statuary using dough made of flour, salt, oil, and water.
83. Sell what you make in 82 at the Waldo Flea Market, Waldo Road.
84. Hang around the Purple Porpoise, 2105 SW 13th St., playing darts or pinball. After a while they give regulars a personalized mug.
85. Go see the UF president’s Mansion, where University Avenue meets Southwest Second Avenue.
86. Feed the sheep in the field off Mowry Road.
87. Watch the construction workers at Shands.
88. Buy fruit at the Star Garage Farmer’s market on weekends, across from the Community Plaza.
89. Listen to tapes in Norwegian or Swahill at the language library in the Arts and Sciences Building.
90. Play basketball or racquetball at the usually deserted courts behind Hume Hall.
91. Watch the skydivers at Palatka Airport.
92. Ride the trolleys for 25 cents. Someone should. Better yet, rent one for a party. Call 377-4196.
93. Eat dinner at Hurley Hall, corner of Northeast 17th Street and First Avenue. Don’t forget your derelict ID card.
94. Watch the bamboo grow at Kanapaha Botanical Gardens, 4625 SW 63rd Blvd.
95. Eat lunch on the Arredando Room terrace, fourth floor of the Union.
96. Look through Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings‘ scrapbooks while sitting in front of the fireplace of her restored home in Cross Creek, 20 miles southwest of Gainesville on County Road 325.
97. Meet your university President, Robert Q. Marston. He’d love to see ya. Always in his office. Got questions about the fee hike? Parking problems? Servomation? Happy to answer them all. If he’s not around, vp Bill Elmore is just down the hall.
98. 3 A.M. Sunday, bacon, eggs, and big biscuits at Skeeters, recovering from Saturday night.
99. Check The Alligator’s “What’s Happening” items to find out What’s Going On.
100. Go Somewhere else.
Did we leave anything out? Send us your suggestions of exciting things to do in Gainesville, care of:
The Independent Florida Alligator
P.O. Box 14257
Gainesville, Fla. 32004
We’ll print ’em if we get anywhere close to 100. Maybe even 50.
Perusing the used-record bins at Hyde & Zeke’s